"We're gonna come eat you...just don't like, run away or anything. We probably wouldn't be able to catch up"Zombie movies. The concept has been done to death, and yet each year, much like its' characters, it is ressurrected and put back into circulation. George Romero, the director that started the "dead rising" craze, has done nothing but release zombie movie after zombie movie, and has spawned a slew of knock-offs and homages. Horror fans call Romero a legend; I call him a one trick pony. How does he pitch his movies?
George: "OK, OK, I got a good one. How about, a group of people are on a vacation at a secluded island, and then zombies attack them!"
Executive:"Well, George, I feel like you've done that already. Maybe you've got something a little more fresh?"
G:"Alright well how about this?! A lovely newlywed couple check into their hotel on a secluded island, and then zombies attack, and they have to fend them off with other people at the hotel!"
E: "Well, again, that is basically the same movie that you just pitched me, and it is the same movie you have been making since 1968. Can you seriously not come up with a single original thought? What the hell has happened to film-makers?"
G:"Alright, alright, I've got one more that I know you are going to love. OK so a group of teens go to a concert, and about midway through the show, after we've shown some gratuitous nudity and drug usage, a pack of zombie wolves attack everybody! And then we use this to make some kind of random, farfetched allegory insulting the Bush Administration! Teens will love it!"
E:"George Bush isn't even in office anymore"
G:"I don't understand"
E:"If I tell you that you can make this film, will you get the hell out of my office?"
And that is basically how I feel these movies keep getting made.
Even though most of the movies released today are not original concepts, they at least try to cover it up and pretend they are new. Zombies are just the same thing over and over again. They are a boring villain that just isn't all that scary. They walk very slowly, and they can't have much muscle mass left so even if they grab you, getting away should be fairly simple. Do you know a really effective way to get away from zombies? Lock your friggin door. Head up to the second floor of your house. Go in the attic if you have to. Just don't stand in front of windows on the first floor! If you live in an apartment, even better! I don't think zombies are going to go to the elevators, push the button, wait for the elevator, get on the elevator, choose a floor, take the elevator up, and then knock on your door! Even if they figure out they can use the steps, just lock your door, because that is the only entry point into your home. The films 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later are good films, because they twisted the zombie genre into something entertaining. The zombies in the film were not really zombies, but just "rage infected people" who can pass the rage on by biting you. They can also run full speed, so they are actually difficult to get away from. Since they are not technically dead and therefore able to use brain function, they could open up doors and use elevators and such, so it makes them a much more frightening villain.
Something else I noticed about zombie films, is that you don't see many zombies wearing nice clothing. Think about this: when you bury somebody, do you dress them in their casual Saturday sweats? No, you put them in a suit. So when these dead people are rising from the ground, why the hell aren't they wearing suits and dresses? I know that they can turn people into zombies and so they would obviously be wearing casual dress, but even in the beginning of the films when the intial wave breaks, you don't see them dressed in fancy clothes. Also, why are there no really elderly zombies? If all goes right, a person won't die until they are very old, and that happens very often. So why is it that you never see a 82 year old zombie walking around with dentures? My theory is that they just walked back to the retirement home and are watching Murder She Wrote with the other old people.
Oh yea, Shaun of the Dead was a really good movie too. But that's because it was a comedy making fun of the genre. It did it rather well.
So yea, that's how I feel about zombie films. I don't know why I felt the need to share this, but hey I was bored. Comments?
George: "OK, OK, I got a good one. How about, a group of people are on a vacation at a secluded island, and then zombies attack them!"
Executive:"Well, George, I feel like you've done that already. Maybe you've got something a little more fresh?"
G:"Alright well how about this?! A lovely newlywed couple check into their hotel on a secluded island, and then zombies attack, and they have to fend them off with other people at the hotel!"
E: "Well, again, that is basically the same movie that you just pitched me, and it is the same movie you have been making since 1968. Can you seriously not come up with a single original thought? What the hell has happened to film-makers?"
G:"Alright, alright, I've got one more that I know you are going to love. OK so a group of teens go to a concert, and about midway through the show, after we've shown some gratuitous nudity and drug usage, a pack of zombie wolves attack everybody! And then we use this to make some kind of random, farfetched allegory insulting the Bush Administration! Teens will love it!"
E:"George Bush isn't even in office anymore"
G:"I don't understand"
E:"If I tell you that you can make this film, will you get the hell out of my office?"
And that is basically how I feel these movies keep getting made.
Even though most of the movies released today are not original concepts, they at least try to cover it up and pretend they are new. Zombies are just the same thing over and over again. They are a boring villain that just isn't all that scary. They walk very slowly, and they can't have much muscle mass left so even if they grab you, getting away should be fairly simple. Do you know a really effective way to get away from zombies? Lock your friggin door. Head up to the second floor of your house. Go in the attic if you have to. Just don't stand in front of windows on the first floor! If you live in an apartment, even better! I don't think zombies are going to go to the elevators, push the button, wait for the elevator, get on the elevator, choose a floor, take the elevator up, and then knock on your door! Even if they figure out they can use the steps, just lock your door, because that is the only entry point into your home. The films 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later are good films, because they twisted the zombie genre into something entertaining. The zombies in the film were not really zombies, but just "rage infected people" who can pass the rage on by biting you. They can also run full speed, so they are actually difficult to get away from. Since they are not technically dead and therefore able to use brain function, they could open up doors and use elevators and such, so it makes them a much more frightening villain.
Something else I noticed about zombie films, is that you don't see many zombies wearing nice clothing. Think about this: when you bury somebody, do you dress them in their casual Saturday sweats? No, you put them in a suit. So when these dead people are rising from the ground, why the hell aren't they wearing suits and dresses? I know that they can turn people into zombies and so they would obviously be wearing casual dress, but even in the beginning of the films when the intial wave breaks, you don't see them dressed in fancy clothes. Also, why are there no really elderly zombies? If all goes right, a person won't die until they are very old, and that happens very often. So why is it that you never see a 82 year old zombie walking around with dentures? My theory is that they just walked back to the retirement home and are watching Murder She Wrote with the other old people.
Oh yea, Shaun of the Dead was a really good movie too. But that's because it was a comedy making fun of the genre. It did it rather well.
So yea, that's how I feel about zombie films. I don't know why I felt the need to share this, but hey I was bored. Comments?
Being a fan of zombie movies I will agree that the genre has beat beaten to death with a George A Romero souvenir baseball bat. but his initial 3 films were good Night Dawn and Day were excellent films that actually had themes besides "O snap zombies" Then Romero makes Land of the dead and Diary of the Dead which pretty much sucked, except for the ending of the latter. The 28 series were great but Romero said this about the fims and the Dawn remake "Zombies that run don't scare me becasue normal people run" ... losing your grip George? But I believe i can shed light on the theory of weak zombies and clothes. In Romero's films there is some unexplainable thing that causes the dead to come back to life so anyone who died (car accident, disease, suicide etc) will come back to life. The ites merely just create an infection which kill the person. And according to Romero zombies get stronger over time. Bascially in Dawn of the Dead the protagonists pushed past them with ease, but in Day of the dead, after zombies ran wild for years they began to decay and were strong enough to rip people apart.
ReplyDeleteShaun of the Dead is one of my favorite movies, just because it does make fun of the whole zombie genre incredibly well. I haven't seen any of the movies listed here besides that, but I doubt I'd buy the unrealistic zombies (that is, if there could possibly be realistic zombies) either.
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